At A Wall

I’m in a space of time that I can only describe as “weird”. I feel out of place, out of sorts, and like life is completely unpredictable. I know the best thing for me to do is to release any false sense of control I thought I had; to let go, to submit to life as it is happening. I also need to remember that life is happening for me. 

There is this thought that I have, that moments like this lead to the most amazing places. It’s a feeling that I have, that I can’t quite explain but feels extremely certain. I pulled a tarot card this morning, asking God for guidance, and the response I got was really clear. It was one of those moments that confirms my connection with God, that God is within me. It was so clear that I already knew it, I just hadn’t had the words, the thoughts be clear enough for me to claim on my own. 

That clarity doesn’t make me any less nervous, nervous that I’m going to blow it, do the wrong thing, or just let myself down altogether. I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing. At any capacity. Logic swoops in at that thought, obviously, I’m doing something right. I’m doing well, considering the circumstances. So, there’s that, but I still feel like I’m at a wall that I haven’t figured out yet how to get around. 

This is the part I’m choosing to surrender to. I’m allowing guidance to be slow, and I’m allowing myself to take it. Whatever feels like the next best step, just do that. That feels like all I really can do right now, and I’m choosing to believe that is a blessing. If life were “normal” right now, I’d just be going through the motions. Thoughtlessly doing what I always do. This is a good time for me. 

I’m coming back into myself, even if it’s just for a moment, being reset and refocused on the path that’s meant for me. Sometimes, life has a way of getting rid of your noise, so you can hear what’s next for you. I’m choosing to accept and appreciate this being the space I’m in. 

I’m listening, and I’m thankful.