Emotional Honesty

I’m noticing a lot of things because of a heightened self-awareness. I’m much more aware than I’ve ever been, and I’m seeing now just how pivotal my emotions are. I am an emotional person. There, I said it. I always have been. I used to think that meant something else. I used to think it meant that I was sad. Then I got diagnosed with depression, so I just thought I was a depressed person. 

Emotions expand far beyond that, however. 

I am a person, when I am at my best, who feels all emotions deeply. I notice them, and if I really try, I can tell you where they live in my body. I do have to really try however, because this is not an easy thing to do, for Me. It’s not the simplest thing to learn when I still haven’t unlearned what was taught to me before this awareness. When I was young, and feeling all these feelings, I did a lot of lying. 

So, two paragraphs later, this brings me to the topic: Emotional Honesty. Why is it so hard to be honest about what I’m feeling? Well, one major reason is that I had panic attacks as a teenager. I had them kind of frequently at one point. In the aftermath of each panic attack, I could always point to something physical that caused it (usually not being able to “complete” a full, deep breath), but I had no idea that those physical responses were due to how I was feeling emotionally. 

So, that’s enough of a reason right there. I wouldn’t even know to look to my emotions for the source. To make matters even more complicated, though, I saw my panic attacks work other people up, so I suppressed even more because I didn’t want to worry people or make a scene. Even more internalized learning to bottle up and not give the emotions any attention. 

In turn, in my journey through healing, I noticed how difficult it was for me to even identify what I was feeling at times. I had blocked that whole process with the subconscious thought that my emotions were too big and burdensome to acknowledge. So, how do I work through it now? 

Being Honest About What I Am Feeling

First and foremost, I am learning to be honest with myself about what it is that I’m feeling, at any given time. I know that I usually feel joyful feelings and feelings of Love in my heart space. I feel sadness in my face, and deep sadness directly in my heart and stomach. Anger, I can point to tenseness in my jaw or raised shoulders. So, I have the tools to identify, but then what? 

I have to say what it is, and it helps to not connect it to my personal identity. All my life, I called myself sad and depressed because I only paid attention to how often I was sad or crying. I also feel joy very deeply. I laugh, I tingle through my body, even, and I never let those moments mean that I was a joyful human being (which I am). So, now I use my words intentionally. Instead of saying “I am sad”, I say, “I’m feeling sadness.”. I know that can come off robotic, but it really makes a difference if this is as much as a task for you as it has been for me. 

It also helps in connections with others. Being able to slow myself down enough to intentionally not call myself angry, more than likely means that I can address if someone caused that anger without demonizing them. I am not an angry person and they are not bad people. We are just labeling for clarity and effective communication. 

Being Honest About Why I Feel What I Feel

This one can be a doozy when dealing with others. It is for me, at least. I have gotten better at letting my “cool girl” rest enough to at least tell myself why I feel what I feel. Communicating that to someone else, however?! Honey, it’s a task. This is vulnerable work. It’s soul-sharing, but it is worth it. I’ve learned that I’d rather lay it all out than to regret not being clear or giving people I care about the chance to make things right (or better) with me. 

It helps me to write it out first. When I was partnered, I would share a Note from my Notes App with him to be more honest. I found that if I only relied on talking out loud, I may not get it all out for fear of embarrassment. It’s worth it to get it all out. There’s nothing better than being understood. Besides, once you do your part, you can’t blame yourself if it doesn’t go your way. You can move on knowing that you did all you could and everything truly worked out the way it was meant to. 

I’d like to dust my hands off and say “well, that’s all there is to it!”, but I know first-hand, just how much work it is to turn these processes into habits. I don’t always meet the mark, but when I have, it’s been worth it. I’ve felt lighter, and the people I share with are drawn even closer. It’s important to be honest about your emotions. Just start with being honest with yourself. 

We had an amazing discussion on this week’s episode of Away With Words The Podcast. Be sure to check it out.