Prioritizing Pleasure

So, the other day, I had a thought. Children are proof of the male orgasm. Without a Man achieving orgasm within a Woman (in most traditional, heterosexual conditions), there would be no children. As a Woman, this brought me a lot of discomfort. I, personally, know far too many Women who have never achieved orgasm through standard sex with a Man. 

Over the years, the media has shown that this is not uncommon. In fact, the rarity is the amount of Women who actually do orgasm from standard intercourse with a Man. My next thought blew my mind. What if there was no conception without the female orgasm? Like, take a minute and ponder it. In my mind, there are only two options: 1. we’d be extinct or 2. the pleasure of Women would be prioritized by now. 

The scary thing about that though is that, unless that completely demolished the patriarchy, male scientists would probably have found a way to milk Women’s ejaculation like cow’s milk.

Anyway…

This isn’t what I want to talk about. Sorry for all that imagery. It did get me to thinking though. There’s been not much incentive for Women’s (Women who date and have sex with Men) pleasure to be prioritized by their partners. So, in a lot of cases we have to do that ourselves. To be honest, we should all be prioritizing our own pleasure as individuals, regardless of your gender identity and who you have sex with. 

What do I mean by prioritize pleasure, you ask? I mean making the act of feeling good as important as everything else in life, and much more important than others. This is not even exclusively a sexual thing, but we’ll expand beyond sex in a moment. 

Sex is important. I don’t define sex as only a partnered act. I have sex with myself too. I have sex with myself most. After years of sex (with myself and others) being dictated by mine and Men’s limited scope of what pleasure was due to porn, I finally decided: I need to know what I like. 

I’ve always been very fluid, so I’ve always explored, but it was usually to achieve some taboo or wow factor. To shock. It wasn’t coming from a genuine place of doing what I knew would bring me pleasure. In this more honest space of exploration, I’m finding that there are some things that I do actually like from those taboo spaces, and some things I can do without. I like being clear more than anything. 

I like that I can communicate what I need to feel good. I like that I’ve learned that sex and eroticism doesn’t start and end on the bed (or wherever else you do the do), it’s ongoing, its a flowing, breathing part of our being. It’s intimacy. That thought alone is wayyyyyy sexier than hasty sex. 

The best part is knowing that pleasure starts and ends with us as individuals. Our pleasure cannot be in someone else’s hands. Partners should be just that, partners. They should add to an already functioning process. They should come in with curiosity and a desire to do what feels good to you, and you should do that for them too. 

As stated earlier, pleasure is not just about sex. Pleasure is about feeling good, it is to enjoy. I don’t know about you, but I want this at every corner of my life. I want my workouts to bring me pleasure. I want the food I eat to bring me pleasure. I want my connections and friendships to bring me pleasure. It is a priority. 

So, how do we prioritize pleasure? We make it an intention. Whether that intention is just find something to enjoy about even the mundane, or to incorporate actual pleasure into each day. We do it on purpose. Once that intention is clear for ourselves, we get the people in our life on board. We don’t do too much of what simply doesn’t feel good. We set boundaries on those things and cut them short. 

We ask for what we need. We speak up when our needs aren’t being met. Pleasure, like everything else in life, can be defined and managed by you, but it doesn’t have to be a solo job. You can facilitate in other people’s pleasure too. Be a pleasant person, be kind, don’t judge, leave people better than how they came (giggity). 

In all seriousness, pleasure is pivotal, if you ask me.What is life if we don’t feel good? There is pleasure all around us, and even more within us. Make it a priority to tap in. 

This week’s episode of Away With Words The Podcast mirrors this subject. Check it out, if You haven’t.