Inside The New Beginning

I want to share a journal entry that I wrote in my notebook on January 27 of this year:

“Last night, my favorite bowl finally broke. Right in two. It’s had a long crack in it for I don’t know how long. It finally broke. After so much time. So many nervous moments. Slips. So many times and it never broke. Last night, it finally did.

This morning, I dropped a mug. It bounced from the counter to the sink and finally hit the floor and shattered. As it bounced, I was picturing myself catching it, but it was like I couldn’t move. Maybe I was too certain that it would break and afraid to cut myself. So, I just watched. When it all hit the floor, glass pieces varying in size scattered about the kitchen floor, I thought, ‘what does this mean?’, immediately sensing a pattern.

Feeling deeply that this was no coincidence. So, after a thorough sweeping, I looked it up.

‘In terms of symbolism, it means the cycle is complete. It is not a cause for sadness, though. Instead, it is an opportunity for something new to grow in its place. So, think of a broken glass as an omen that an old cycle in your life is ending, but something new will come to take its place.’

I declare this new cycle as one of abundance, limitless luxury, boundless joy, freedom, and ease.”

So. Here I am 7 months and some change from that moment. In the new cycle, in the new beginning. In the thick of it, I’d think. So, what’s changed? What new things have been ushered in to take the place of that ended cycle?

Well, for one. An untethering from depression. Last winter, I experienced a bout with depression like never before. A bout that has completely shifted my perspective, truly for the better, and I’m thankful for that. I haven’t been clinically depressed since.

Second, I left two jobs that weren’t serving me. My first time ever in life resigning from a job, and I did it twice within a matter of months. Since then, my work life has been so much more easeful. I’ve experienced more freedom. I’ve been less overwhelmed overall.

Third, I didn’t know it then, but my romantic relationship was coming to a close. Both with my partner and with people I kept on the back burner “just in case”. I’ve been in a major learning space ever since. A space that honestly feels far from the end.

Lastly, months later, I would close the door on cycles I’ve kept up for almost half my life, drinking alcohol and taking birth control.

So, I see it. I see how accurate that omen was, and I see how every shift that’s occurred has been and is for my highest good. It’s been uncomfortable in some moments, but everything has also felt very right. There’s been very little resistance, because for the first time, I’m ready. I’m built for all these changes now and I know only more and more good will come of it all.

Thank You God.