Who We Attract
When you look back on your past lovers are you filled with warm fuzzy feelings of nostalgia, or are you consumed with hot red cheeks of embarrassment? While it’s normal to outgrow things and people you’ve once cared for, I think it’s important to explore those feelings if they more often than not turn into regret.
Who is truly responsible for the people we attract? While it can be easy to blame the universe for sending you yet another dud, I find it more helpful to ask myself what did I give out to the universe? What messages am I sending? Am I a positive person? Do I give myself the same love and affection that I’m hoping to receive from a partner? Do I give to others openly and freely?
I found that when taking personal inventory of my past life experiences and feelings, I can pinpoint a past partner to an exact mood, and I know exactly why I picked that person. There was a time in my life when I had become so jaded by all the failed relationships around me and presumably “bad guys” that all I wanted was a “good guy”. Compatibility didn’t matter, sexual chemistry was obsolete, and physical attraction was the least of my concerns.
I was settling because someone was nice to me, because I didn’t believe the right guy for me even existed. This person I was with drove me absolutely crazy. And I would talk endlessly to my friends about how exhausted I was with this person. I ended that relationship as If he was the problem but in reality it was me.
I had no real idea or concept of what I wanted from man. All I knew was that I didn’t want to be “played”. The poor guy was set up for failure because no one can give you what you need if you haven’t figured that out for yourself.
The say with age comes wisdom and with that I’ve certainly found clarity. Becoming more comfortable in my own skin allowed me to be open with myself first about what I needed, and I was then able to translate that to potential partners. That clarity weeded out all the “what was I thinking” partners. When I look back on my more recent romantic choices I know exactly why I chose them. You’re all dope as hell. I couldn’t imagine exchanging energy with a human being that wasn’t dope.
However, being cool doesn’t make us soulmates. It doesn’t mean that we’ll journey down the path of meaningful relationships. It simply means I attract good people.
I think that’s the whole point to all of this. Life is like a quick but long journey and you can’t get bugged down on how it’s going to end. Sometimes we put too much focus on finding someone else to be with and it’s most important to find yourself. Once you’ve done the self work all the dope life experiences and people will be sure to come.