There's Authenticity in Change

When I was younger, I used to have a real issue with the concept of changing my mind. For some reason, I thought it made me seem fake, or even unaware of who I was. Wishy washy, maybe. All of this seemed bad, I didn’t want to be it. So, I often stood, ten toes down, on beliefs I no longer held, or on thoughts and ideas that were just plain wrong. Why is that? 

At this age, I’ve set an intention on speaking my truth, and being gentle with myself as that truth changes. I do, however, still see when this pattern from my younger self comes up. Sometimes, I walk away from a conversation saying to myself “why did I say that? That wasn’t true.”, but then it feels too late. So, I am trying to get better at slowing down, actually choosing what it is that I’m saying as a response. 

I know, on a mental level, we are all programmed to correlate community with safety. If we feel like an outsider, we don’t feel safe. So, that could explain how the habit formed in the first place. Somewhere, in my childhood, I learned that being wrong was harmful. So, I flip-flopped between being extremely disagreeable and extremely agreeable, depending on what felt safest. 

To be disagreeable may seem a bit rebellious, but rebellion is in my nature. I just haven’t always known when it was necessary. Sometimes, it felt more safe to distance myself from who I was communicating with, so I’d go out of my way to disagree. Now, I know for sure that I’m not so hung up on being agreeable or disagreeable, I just want to be who I am, authentically. 

I can imagine that if someone is like me and they also indulge heavily in the internet, this is a difficult intention to set and stick to. I don’t do a lot of discourse on social media, but I do a lot of observing. One thing I noticed is how difficult it is to exist online as you evolve. Any shift or change can be taken to task by your peers, challenged, and used to make you seem bad. 

Obviously, this is more true for celebrities and those with a heavy following; but with the randomness of going viral, almost anyone can be challenged for any opposing view that can be found online, and it’s never hard to find. This puts me on edge sometimes, so I can only imagine that others feel the same. So many of us have seen it happen. 

I remember some time ago, Alicia Keys came out expressing that she wanted to not wear makeup, and she did for a while. Then, she added makeup items to her skincare line, and the internet was in flames. There was absolutely no room created for her to consider that perhaps, she tried the no makeup thing, got what she needed from the experience, and is now okay with going back. Or even that what she sells doesn’t have to reflect what she uses herself. Or even better, that it doesn’t even matter. 

It feels, at times, like the internet only has interest in putting people into a box, and growing out of that box is a no go. The internet also has this way of grouping and generalizing that leaves no room for individuals’ growth and learning. The use of “y’all” on Twitter is a great example of this. I’ve seen maybe hundreds of tweets siting “y’all” as saying one thing one day and another the next, with no specification of who “y’all” is. 

This draws an even deeper wedge between individuals and their desire to change their mind. If left up to the internet, changing, shifting, adapting, it all feels unsafe. It feels like a catalyst to attack. That’s why my hope is that in sharing this, someone knows that it is okay to change your mind. It’s okay to gather new information and be led to a new way of thinking about something. 

You are human because you change. If you are unwilling to change, you are unwilling to grow. There is nothing more beneficial about the internet than your own evolution. Evolve. Grow. Set an example. 

I invite you to set this intention with me. To pause and think clearly about the truth you are portraying. Make sure it’s yours. You are valid and worthy and not any less for learning something new and growing in a new direction. We’ve got this.