Self Audit

One of the best things that I gained in 2020 is a heightened self-awareness and the ability to look inward. The human experience is a bit bizarre. We spend, literally, all of our time in our own bodies and minds, yet we look outside of ourselves for so much. We blame the outside world for our feelings, even our patterns and behaviors. It’s a bit nonsensical when you think about it. Being more self aware helps me to remember that all things, for me, start and end with me. 

It’s the same for all people, it’s just that very few of us see it that way. That’s why it’s so easy to take the actions of others so personally. We have this embedded belief that everyone is operating outside of themselves, when in actuality, none of us are. So, what does this mean about our triggers, and more specifically, actions that upset us? 

As I became more aware of my whole self, I became more in tune with the starting point of my emotions. This is crucial. Sometimes it can feel like you’re just mad or sad, perpetually, but something always starts it. It’s more than likely in connection with other humans. They don’t act how we would act, or do the things that we want them to do, and it’s upsetting. But what part is really upsetting us? 

A huge thing that I noticed about myself is that I was most triggered and upset by people performing actions that, in some way or another, I can trace back to myself. Meaning, the actions that upset me most were the ones that somewhat mirrored my own. So, it’s not just the action or the person that gets me mad or sad; I’m ultimately upset with myself. 

The thing about the self awareness piece is that, without it, a lot of this is happening subconsciously, and goes completely unnoticed. So, with that said, and with the assumption that I’m not the only human who goes through this, I’ve created this Self Audit. 

Step 1: Take note of what gets you the most worked up, or what’s happening when you find yourself most judgmental. Write it down. 

Step 2: Take a quiet moment to reflect on and write out how often, if ever, you see these same traits or actions in yourself. Be open, and know that it doesn’t necessarily have to be translated in the same action, but can have similar traits such as dishonesty, self-centeredness, or anything else. Write it all out. 

Step 3: Take the time to reflect on and write down what’s happening when you find yourself acting in this way. Is it a result of feeling fear or insecurity? Dig deeper into the why and even the origin of the pattern or behavior. 

Step 4: Use this to soften a bit and consider that the person you were originally judging may be having a similar inner experience as you. Can you use this to give grace to yourself and to that person? What does it look like to extend grace to you both? Write that out. 

Step 5: Proceed with a softer, shifted perspective. 

The point in this is to soften our outer judgment and take some inner stock of our own potentially unwanted patterns and behaviors. Our ego wants us to believe that we’re better than those who we witness exhibiting certain behaviors, but we are all human, and all individual results of our individual pasts. I am always a proponent of turning away and not giving attention to things that we dislike; but if something incites a heavy feeling in you, and you have the time and mental energy to pass judgement upon it, take a few extra moments to take these steps and connect. 

Most importantly, use what you learn to shift yourself and grow further into the person you want to be.