How Soon Is Too Soon?
I can’t tell you how many times a friend has come to me with that twinkle in her eye, dance in her walk, and song in her voice as she gushed to me about that guy she just met. We all, in turn, join in on the celebration, lend encouraging words, all the while secretly holding our breath. Afraid that the slightest gust of wind could send your friend’s new relationship tumbling over. You want to grab your friend by the shoulders and shake her! You want to beg her, please be smart. Please don’t rush into things. Maybe play the field a little longer.
Sometimes, your girlfriends confide in you because they are aware of how “crazy” they sound. They are asking, better yet begging, you to snap them back into reality before they fall too deep and there is no saving them. These subconscious red lights that glare at us in the dating world are seemingly set in place to protect us; protect us from the pain and disappointment of it all, that seems to inevitably crash down on us at the end of every relationship.
But, when you stop and think about it, do these unspoken rules ever really stop the hurt? Have you ever heard a success story that was achieved through ignorance? It truly just prolongs the unavoidable. Instead of finding out your partner has been seeing other people three weeks into your relationship, you can find out in three months. You can find out after fully submerging yourself into this human for a year, that this person was never looking for anything serious. The two of you were unknowingly heading down two completely different paths. Now, you not only have to lose that person, but you also have to lose the entire future you had fooled yourself into believing was possible.
It’s this dream like fantasy, that’s not based in reality, that makes the idea of starting over seem so terrible; because you had previously convinced yourself that you were at the finish line, but in real life you hadn’t even started the race. Once you decide you truly like someone, you’re already risking getting hurt, there’s no way around it. You might as well be as smart about it as you can.
It’s my opinion that it’s never too soon to be honest about what you need or want out of a relationship . You shouldn’t be waiting on a green-light to be yourself. This is the only way you can ever truly know if the connection you’re building is real. Before you can be honest with another person you have to be honest with you. Are you here to have fun? Do you want a relationship? Are you looking for marriage? Do you just want sex? Do you need a friend? All of these desires are well warranted and you deserve whatever it is you want, but you have to convey that message clearly. Just as it is no fun to have your feelings hurt, it is equally not fun to rip the rug from underneath someone else. Honesty is not just beneficial to you, it’s for everyone involved.
The flip-side to this honesty and healthy way of living is that you have to be open to the response. Remember, there are no trophies for being real and you can’t control other people. While you have every right to fall in love on the first date, your partner equally has the right not to. It would be wrong to villainize someone for their emotions or lack thereof.
Mutual respect and parting ways amicably should be a natural part of life. Though the sting of disappointment will always be there, we should welcome the notion of closing doors that weren’t meant for us to walk through. Live in your truth and trust that the universe can hear you, and what’s meant for you will be. Your abundance of love won’t scare the right person off, because it’s exactly what they came for.