Stepping Stones

There was a Q&A question on TikTok that said “when was your first time being in Love?”. I immediately realized that I could look at this one of two ways. 1. The Love that is headed to me is so real, so profound, so IT, that I will get it and know that I’ve never been in Love before. 2. Every time I’ve been in Love, it’s been real. It was just that it was the Love that would resonate with the me I was in that moment. I’m no longer those versions, so those Loves don’t strike me as the real thing as I look back. 

I have to admit, I’ve been finding myself anticipating my next Love. With all that I’ve grown through, with all that I’ve become, I can’t help but to think that Love is gonna match. It’s going to be something I’ve never experienced before because now I’m someone I’ve never been. I’m trying my best to be present, but the thought is creeping in as much as it can. 

As much as I like to think that my first thought will come true, that a great Love will come into my life and erase my memory of all who came before; I know that those past Loves have so much to do with who I’ve grown into. For that, I have to be thankful for them. 

I was talking to a friend the other day about his dating chronicles in the past couple of years. As we talked through it, it became immediately apparent that each experience was a stepping stone, elevating him closer and closer to the Love he wants most. I Loved this thought, and thought of my own stepping stones. 

When I decided to approach dating with intention, I went into each connection having learned something pivotal from the last. Most of the time, it was what I didn’t want, but that has proved to be so helpful. Clarity. It’s such an underrated gift when dating. Our egos get too involved for us to be truly thankful for the gift of knowing. 

Of course, this is always collective work. It’s like God hands me a curriculum for each potential partner. With one, I was made to realize that negativity is a true boundary of mine.As it was happening in romance, I could see it everywhere else in life too. Soon, I set a clear boundary and moved on. 

In another, I was made to learn the value of exclusivity. In the one after that, I was made to learn that I really want to be treated delicately, sweetly. These are all things I didn’t know about myself before. So, every time I closed a door on a connection, I walked through a new door with a clearer sense of self, much more in tune with my desires. 

I can’t lie and act like I’m not oh so hoping that these types of lessons are over. Not that I think I don’t have anything else to learn, just that I’m ready to learn alongside someone, long-term. I do accept, however, that perhaps I’m not ready, and that’s why that isn’t my current reality. I actually think that’s the closest thing to my truth right now, and I’m okay with that. I’m patient. Woo-sah. 

Nonetheless, for each stepping stone, I am thankful. In romance and every other portion of life, I can see myself getting closer and closer to the life and Love I want most. I’m thankful to be present and aware of this process, and to be trusting of it, above all.