The Illusion of Uniqueness

So, I’m an Aquarius. I’m told part of the duties of being such is being quite individualistic. I’ve been an individual to the extreme since I was a child, way before I learned about what it meant to be my sign. I’ve always relished in being the odd one out. I Loved having a differing opinion. I even enjoyed being seen as the “weird” one, that’d meant I succeeded at setting myself apart. 

What Beyoncé say? *UNIQUE!*

That’s always been my whole deal. What I lived for in any and all social interactions. 

Of course, this followed me into adulthood, and in some ways, grew more intense. One thing that gets under my skin, and I mean deep, is being generalized. In many cases, it’s been enough to make me want to fight. Especially in romantic settings. It triggers a fear that I have that I’m not genuinely interested in, a need that stretches back to childhood. Being and feeling individualized and even spotlit is important to me in those settings. 

I now know that that’s an okay need to have and I can simply express that instead of blowing a gasket whenever I’m lumped into a general statement. I can also see the function of generalizations and not take them as personally as I used to. *Growth*

Last week, I was listening to the podcast Hidden Brain, an amazing podcast on social science that I highly recommend. The episode I was listening to is called “You 2.0: How To See Yourself Clearly”. I don’t want to butcher the whole plot and point, but for the most part, they discussed how we are better able to identify who we are by looking to the people who know us. In addition, they spoke in one part of the episode about our natural tendency to differentiate ourselves from others when, in all actuality, us humans are much more alike than we allow ourselves to believe.

This got me to thinking about myself and my mission. My whole point in everything I do publicly is to “heal out loud”. I am intentional about not positioning myself as some sort of guru, and only sharing my experience because I know that people relate. That’s very important to me in the work I do, and it’s in such misalignment with an attitude I’ve carried since childhood. It didn’t make sense when I really thought about it. 

How much had I created distance between myself and others in my social life to fulfill my need to be different? How many times has my authenticity been stunted due to this? I can’t even imagine. 

Navigating our existences on the internet doesn’t make it much easier. Sometimes, liking and believing what the masses do gets you labeled as a “sheep”, someone who is a follower, lacking a mind and opinion of their own. This, to the version of me I’m now trying to soothe, is an absolute nightmare. I know I have to let this go and commit to expressing my authentic experience, no matter how similar it is to others’. 

One of the things I’m looking forward to, now that I’m adding this to my list of things to do to keep “working on me”, is being more open to inspiration. With me trying to convince myself that I was so different, I haven’t been open wide when it comes to being inspired. I’d express my like or Love, and even describe it as being inspired, but I never took it very far for fear of riding someone else’s wave and not my own. I see how silly that is now, how many things I never said or wrote because of this. 

It’s important that I find balance here. I am learning to Love myself more deeply, and a lot of that work does include seeing me as my very unique self; but there’s more than that. There are people around me and beyond who are on my wavelength, who share some of my essence, who can know me deeply because of walking like-paths. This is amazing and pivotal to the work I do. 

I just want to be more open overall, and deepen my understanding that in this human experience, we are all very much connected. I can’t stunt my growth being a creative recluse. It is my Love, joy, and pleasure to inspire others, I can use some of that too. Of course I’m unique and different in my own beautiful ways, but that is never at risk of no longer being true. 

I’m thankful for shared moments, thoughts and words in common, similar senses of humor. All the things that bring us closer together and even closer to ourselves.