What Is True For Me Right Now - 3/?

What’s true for Me this week almost feels too dark to write, too low and “off-brand” to offer up like this; but if I didn’t, what would this practice even mean? Why would it matter if every truth weren’t welcome?

This week, I feel stuck...and hopeless. I’m struggling to find the good in humanity and in human circumstances. I feel so icky saying that. This week, I’ve hit a wall in my growth journey. I’ve come up to some of the thickest resistance I’ve ever encountered. It’s tense and makes Me almost relish in the option of giving up. I want to give up, to not care, to be a robot just going through the motions of this machine - thoughtless, emotionless, not myself (somehow I still know that that’s not Me).

I’ve received messages to “let it go”, but I don’t know what that means. When I think about giving up, I wish I was able to convince myself that it’s the same thing, but I know it’s not. That’s what’s even more frustrating - this feeling that there is a right way and a wrong way. That I could make a wrong choice and do myself a disservice. That I could fail.

I’ve been re-reading Wicked and I’d forgotten how grown up the story is outside of the Broadway play. Grown up themes suck , but watching the Wizard of Oz right now would feel too much like pretending.

I’m looking forward to my therapy session this weekend, but I can already tell it won’t be enough time to untie the knots in my mind.

I guess, since this is ultimately about truth-telling, I’d be remiss to not mention the PMS. Much more than likely, I will have experienced the lightness of life again by the end of next week.

Since I’m in my honest era, I’ll let You know then.